It’s been a little over 2 weeks since we lost my dad. Today I am finding myself wishing time would just stop…..
I am extremely uncomfortable with time moving forward. I’m not ok with it being weeks since Dad was with us….healthy….playing cards with his grandkids….making plans for a trip to Yellowstone with Mom and friends this summer….
Today it all just hurts.
I am O.K. with the pain, I don’t enjoy it, but I’m o.k. with it. Grief is coming in waves….some expected, some not. I’m not fighting them, it is part of the process.
I’ve been calling what we (anyone who loved my dad) experienced the last few weeks a shitstorm. There are just no other words for it. The first indication that he had cancer was 2 weeks before he died. He got the diagnosis on Tuesday and died on Friday. While, I realize that technically his death was caused by cancer, I don’t feel like we lost him to cancer. Like too many of us, I’ve seen cancer up close and personal…as I sat at the bedside of a friend who fought valiantly but lost the battle. This does not feel the same. I imagine this feels more like a car wreck……he was with us…then he was gone.
I have been fantastically overwhelmed by the love and support my family has and continues to receive. If you have someone is your life who was lost someone please know that the card, the phone call, going to the visitation, sharing conversation over coffee these things are healing balm, and as helpless as you may feel, you are making a difference.